Labor Day Post

 

Any relationship, all relationships are about teamwork. Teamwork makes the dream work! If the people around you are not working with you, they are working against you. In retrospect; if you are not working with them, you are working against them. I don’t rescue so much anymore. I do hand ups and if they don’t actively help themselves, I make them and refuse to offer hand outs. They have 2options, help themselves or drown themselves. I am done letting people take me down with the ship.

I seek wisdom and offer wisdom. I choose to not be a rescuer anymore, I want a partner not an ankle weight. I won’t be an enabler and I won’t be abused anymore. I am life path #4; I am a realist, I desire responsibility and I provide strengths. Everyday; find your center, become centered and be the center.

Stupid is what stupid does

 

Some people just don’t know what it means to take responsibility!
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The way you act towards me tells me you don’t like me that you want it to be you mark and Garrett that’s how I feel and yes I do feel like a lot of Mark and Garrett’s problems are from how you raised them not saying it’s wrong or right saying that sometimes we think it’s the right thing as a parent/grandma and it’s not I’ve done the same thing as a parent but I can admit what I did when Garrett came to us he had no discipline you gave me a monkey with a strap on his back because you couldn’t take him in the store without him running off not saying this to say you’re a bad parent/person I’m tryingto work this out with you so that we can get along you send me stuff all the time but when I say something you take offense you’re not even willing to listen therefore it tells me that you’re not wanting to make amends you want to take offense it takes a bigger person to admit when there wrong
The way I addressed it was probably not the right way but I got a lot going on and no I’m not Garretts mom but I have his last name and if I take him into the school or to the doctor they don’t question me I don’t have to have Mark and I feel like you think that I’m coming in and trying to take over because you’ve always had control over it what does it matter who’s right or wrong the thing I love about Mark is that he realizes when he’s wrong and he’ll admit it and say he’s sorry just like I do to him as wellI I have taught Garrett a lot and he’s taught me a lot but the behavior he had when he come down here didn’t happen overnight it has been there for a while and Mark is guilty to letting him have his way and given him too many chances I know you love Garrett with everything in you and would never do anything to purposely hurt him or his futureI just want to work together with you
so that he can grow up and be an awesome young man that he’s not crippled by ADHD bipolar ODD everybody seen the way Garrett was acting when he was in Kansas city Wyatt didn’t even like being around his brother because he was so bad and if I thought that you were going tomess him up I would not have told Mark okay let’s send him because he is marks and my son Mark has wanted to do it for a while but I didn’t want to because he’s our son and I love him as my own and I can admit that I can’t do it right now because I am too sick I just want us all to get alongi’m not saying this just to say you’re a bad parent/grandma I like you and want to get along would like to move closer so that you can be around mark and Garrett and that Mark and Garrett can have a relationship with Matt Wyatt Josie and Maranda I want Mark to see his children and Garrett to be around his brothers and sisters so
please don’t take this the wrong wayI want to hang out with you shop all of us to do things with the kids but I feel like you put a wall up around me so can we please talk this out so that we don’t have this wall between usI would like you and I to be close i’m not a mean hateful person i’m actually a fun person I just want to have a mother-in-law daughter-in-law relationship if you let me in I love you Mark Garrett Wyant Matt Miranda and Josie

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I’m not naming names, but this was sent to my mother today.

Polygamy and the R/F/LDS Church

www.ThePolyCommunity.com – In the LDS church we went to this morning; they said that Joseph Smith restored the church as it was when Jesus himself founded it, and this is now the true church of Jesus Christ. Yet; Joseph Smith practiced Polygamy and I have herd repeatedly that Jesus did away with Polygamy, and so did the LDS… However; the LDS church only did away with it because the United Soviet States of Americas communist government made them do it, or else. So none of that makes any since!

I am not for not against it necessarily, I do know it’s not for everyone. Not everyone in it is doing it for the right reasons, not everyone can handle it; so I don’t think it is a commandment. More like a choice or maybe destiny, I believe some people have the astrological make up to be more Poly, so you might be able to say some was born that way. It is said that GLBT can be found in ones astrology, but I don’t believe it is genetic. I think we are born with attributes that allow of to go in different directions the others more easily, some “broad” paths are predestined, the rest is choice and/or free will.

I have never bought into the theory that God instructs us to be in Plural Marriage nor Monogamy; I use to think that the GLBT community was “going to hell” as I was raised to believe, but I am not so sure that is true anymore. From what I understand, nobody really has a clue! We are all just trying to make since out of a Fr*ck*d up world. I do still believe is good vs evil, just not the brainwash way I was taught growing up. There are two commandments that I believe we MUST OBEY and you can find them in Matthew written in the RED text; “37: You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. 38: This is the first and great commandment. 39: And the second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. 40: On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”

SWM – Updated: 2015

A little about me…
Updated: 2015
Single again? Yeah me too…

“Relationships are like a dance, with visible energy racing back and forth between the partners. Some relationships are the slow, dark dance of death.” ― Colette Dowling ―
The beauty in the dance is flowing seamlessly with your partner. I have learned that dancing too long with the wrong partner can bring much frustration, discomfort and even pain, depending on the depth of the struggle. We are all free and responsible for choosing the partner whose energy and style flow with us best.
Hello, my name is CainO’ – most of my life I have bounced back and forth between serial monogamy and Polyamory, I’ve even tried Polyfidelity. I’ve explored many relationship dynamics and I think I am going to go back to and stick to Polyamory until I find the right astrological match for a long term monogamous relationship or matches for a long term PolyFidelity or Polygynous relationship. I don’t have to be Poly, I can go either way. If u think u might be the right astrological match or u would like a quality part time relationship in mean time, let me know. Thank you so much, CainO’

About the one I’m looking for…
Updated: 2015
Must be attractive, have a brain, have a heart, like deep intellectual conversations about things other than drama. Must not be a dictator, a Dom or even too submissive; I am a “switch” or moderate to medium in many things and looking for the same. – I am Not PolySexual – You must be a straight or bi female, must have been born a female, female gender fluid is OK but no Trans Genders.

Long term: Must be into health and nutrition, Off Gridding, a constitutionalist, Freedom fighter, or at least a Volunteerist; must be no more than a MILD drinker and non-smoker. I use to be a smoker, so I can overlook smoking before I can drinking. I will not date violent drunks ever again; stupid drunks are tolerable, violent drunks are not! Bipolar or any variation thereof is also not an option.
As for Astrological compatibility: My best two and longest relationships I have ever had: “astrologically” were 12.17.1975 Leo Rising and 5.14.1977 Gemini Rising. So as for astrological compatibility, I’m looking for better than and will be comparing astrology to those date; I am 8.20.1974 Libra Rising if you know and understand astrology.
I’d just like to add…
Astrologically – Short term I allow more exceptions.

Long term: Most sites only give you the Sun Sign or the Chinese Zodiac. I am a Leo/Virgo Cusp. Moon in Libra, Venus in Leo & Mars in Virgo… If I ask your birthday; it’s because there are other signs that we need to consider like the Ascendant, Mercury is VERY important & there are many other signs in our astrology.

My Mercury is Virgo & MERCURY is COMMUNICATION, so you should understand how important Mercury is in any type of relationship. That’s why I ask for birthdays.

I am looking for Fire or Air “Sun Signs”, Earth & Cancer would be the exception to the rule for my Sun sign. I will also be looking for Fire or Air Venus signs, Cancer & Virgo are the exceptions for my Venus in Leo. I will also be looking for Mars in Earth or Water; Leo might be the only exception I will make for this sign, pending house placement or if we were Polygynous.

Mercury will also need to be Earth or Water, I will make no exception for this one for this is Communication and I know and understand the importance of proper communication in any kind of relationship; business or personal.

IF I were to try and form another Triad, I would have to be very very picky and not accept any exceptions at all; or very little. That was one of the mistakes I didn’t know I was making the last time. Venus might be the one position I would compromise to get Water which is best for forming families.

How I feel about the Church…
Updated: Oct. 2014
Church is a good thing; only I don’t believe in one true church, or even one true profit except for Jesus. I grew up Nazarene, Wesleyan and Holiness; I studied Catholicism, Hindu, Buddhism, Judaism, Islam, Spiritualism, LDS, RLDS, FLDS, Unity and more. I use to call myself a Christian Catholic Buddhist, now I would say I am more Christian Spiritualist. In the LDS world, I would lean towards RLDS or FLDS rather than LDS and I do understand the differences. I like Buddhism because they tend to practice what Jesus preached, I just think they have the wrong god. I would say I am more in line with the natives in that I would be more inclined to believe in “The Great Spirit” and other ways they believe like loving the land and Jesus’s #2 commandment’s; Love God and Love thy neighbor.
{People Media Sites}

Astrologically – Short term I allow more exceptions.
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Long term: I’m looking at SUN, VENUS & MARS in this site. I am a Leo/Virgo Cusp. Venus in Leo & Mars in Virgo… If I ask your birthday; it’s because there are other signs that we need to consider like the Moon, Mercury is VERY important & there are many other signs in our astrology.
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My Mercury is Virgo & MERCURY is COMMUNICATION, so you should understand how important Mercury is in any type of relationship and I cannot believe this site left that one out. That’s why I ask for birthdays.
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Using this site; I am looking for Fire or Air “Sun Signs”, Earth & Cancer would be the exception to the rule for my Sun sign. I will also be looking for Fire or Air Venus signs, Cancer & Virgo are the exceptions for my Venus in Leo. I will also be looking for Mars in Earth or Water, Leo might be the only exception I will make for this sign, pending house placement.
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Mercury will also need to be Earth or Water, I will make no exception for this one for this is Communication and I know and understand the importance of proper communication in any kind of relationship; business or personal.
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I’m sure I am one of the few members who actually use astrology on this site… “Please Prove Me Wrong?”

x-Mas – my understanding

Updated Dec. 26th, 2014

OK, I have been doing homework to confirm or deny my understanding on Christmas. Christmas is one of the things that has been waking me up over the years about many thing; September 11th was another wake up call for me, along with the truth about the Civil War and many other lies we were taught in school and even church… I am not perfect, nor do I expect you to be either. However; I am a truth seeker, so here are my finding on said research for Christ-Mass.

I knew and understood that Christmas was originally a Pagan holiday for the gods; actually the SUN GOD, not the Son of God. Over the course of fall and winter there were many festivals for the GODS all together including but not limited to Halloween. Later, approximately 300ish AD; Jesus aka Christ got added in the mix and thus the word “Christmas” came into existence. Before, the many festivals had many other names; Christmas is just another one now. No one knows the exact time when Jesus was really born; but many believe and the evidence points to it NOT being in December. I was raised with some of this truth and I have been learning the rest on my own.

XMas is NOT Xing Christ out of Christmas, yet it is an abbreviation of the Greek word XPLOTOC meaning “Christ” and in a since it is Xing out Christ but not out of Christmas.

I do not necessarily calibrate Christmas; but when I do, I do it with Dos Equis 🙂

Seriously; I have hardly celebrated Christmas since before the Millennium. When I did, I did it with understand and not ignorance. Which is said to be even worse. I have known most the truths about Christmas for many years; but went along to get along with others, just to be festive and friendly. I didn’t typically do gifts, but I do enjoy the company of friends and family on most any occasion; Christmas or otherwise.

My Ex2012 use to ridicule and pock fun at me for being a Bah Humbug and calling me Scrooge McDuck when she knew I didn’t celebrate this holiday. I knew her when she was with her Ex Husband, before she was with the Pagan guy, before she was with me and I didn’t celebrate it then either; so she knew this long before she got with me. Now for her sake, I did go along to get along and sacrificed some of my beliefs for her because she loved the Pagan holiday traditions. I hardly participated in the exchanging of gifts and maybe a few other things. But I like others; enjoy the light, the food, the carols, the greetings and the gatherings. So I did these things for her, even though she mocked me and my beliefs. As I learn more about the lies attached to this holiday, I want less and less to do with it. It never was our holiday to begin with, and people go around trying to put “Christ in Christmas” like it was taken out or something; I say we should remove Christ from Christmas whether the “Mass of Christ” is as believed or not.

Again; I pretty much knew about all the other stuff, I just now learned about the “Mass of Christ” part in 2014/2015 Cusp. Over the years I have been learning the truths about how this confusion began with mixing of Christian and Pagan holidays, rituals and traditions. Originally it was a pagan holiday, since before Jesus was born from what I understand. I also knew that the Roman Catholic Church was the ones who changed the holidays, mixing the Pagan Festivus with Christianity thus making Christmas. The scary part and the part that I am still researching; is that “Christmas” translates into “Christ Mass” or “Mass of Christ”. That doesn’t sound so bad right? Well, supposedly that translates into “Death of Christ” or “Sacrifice of Christ” not “Birth of Christ”. So when we make celebrations and say things like “HOHOHO MERRY CHRISTMAS”, what does that sound like to you now? Now that you know it means or may mean other then what you were raised to believe? Yeah, it made me sick too; still does actually.

I use to not to make a too big of a deal about it before I knew this, even parts of my own family still choose to stay brainwashed and choose to ridicule me for seeking the truth; as you may choose to do also. “It is a holiday of celebration either way you choose to celebrate it, the Pagans have their thing and we Christians have ours”, they say… I understand that here in the United Soviet States of America, this country was founded on freedom of religion; though those freedoms don’t seem to be so stable or real at the moment. And that we may also be celebrating a “New Independence Day” which may be long needed and deserved.

I say, let the Pagans have their holiday back and let’s quit trying to make it our own when it clearly is not and never was. Christ was born in September, not that Jesus wanted us to celebrate his birth; he never said to do so or not to do so. Then again, there are hundreds of books that were taken out of the bible; so how do we know? That is another story for another day; and yes, I have done my homework on that too. I started that quest around 1993.

So if you want to honor his birth, you should do so in September; do it when he was really born. If you insist on keeping this Christmas, do it for the right reasons. If Christmas truly means “Mass of Christ” or “Death of Christ” – Then honor it as he would want you to do; we should be paying our respects properly and not as it is now, NOT the ways it is currently celebrated and not for the wrong reasons.

Thank you so much, my name is CainO’ & I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE.
Here are links for you to start on your quest:
Do your own homework!

http://www.lasttrumpetministries.org/tracts/

https://www.google.com/search?q=Kwanzaa,+Hanukkah&spell=1&sa=X&ei=RwyVVIPVFOu1sASpoYD4Aw&ved=0CBwQvwUoAA&biw=1600&bih=769

https://www.google.com/search?q=Pagan+gods&oq=Pagan+gods&gs_l=serp.3..0i67l9j0.11952.15970.0.17595.4.4.0.0.0.0.1069.2032.2-1j2j7-1.4.0.msedr…0…1c.1.60.serp..1.3.1732._ArjhUuxyBM

http://biblelight.net/sukkoth.htm

http://www.askelm.com/star/star006.htm

How December 25 Became Christmas

http://www.crosswalk.com/special-coverage/christmas-and-advent/was-jesus-really-born-on-dec-25.html

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/holidays/2012/12/why_is_christmas_in_december.html

http://www.christiananswers.net/christmas/mythsaboutchristmas.html

http://blog.dictionary.com/xmas-christogram/

The “X” in “Xmas” Doesn’t Take the “Christ” Out of “Christmas”

http://www.cgg.org/index.cfm/fuseaction/Library.sr/CT/ARTB/k/568/When-Was-Jesus-Born.htm

http://www.hebrew4christians.com/Articles/Christmas/christmas.html

http://www.whychristmas.com/customs/25th.shtml

http://www.orlutheran.com/html/chrmas_pagan4.html

http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/False%20Religions/Other%20Pagan%20Mumbo-Jumbo/christmas.htm

http://www.lasttrumpetministries.org/tracts/tract3.html

http://www.hope-of-israel.org/cmas1.htm

http://biblelight.net/xmas.htm

http://mystery-babylon.org/christmas.html

SWM – Updated: Nov. 2014

Zip Code: 65785
A little about me… Normal
Updated: Nov. 2014

Hello, my name is CainO’ & I am an over the road HazMat Tanker Driver with dual Homeland Security, so I am defiantly of no threat. I have my own I.T. business on the side, I do aromatherapy; I bought some land in south central Missouri in order to get off the grid, produce our own healthy unprocessed chemical free food, utilities and etc.

I am doing my grid project with a friend David-Ray, he is single also and has a profile here as well: David-Ray’s Profile: http://www.okcupid.com/profile/David-Ray_4u?cf=search_overlay He is a Virgo, Libra Rising, Moon in Libra, Mercury in Virgo, Venus in Cancer, Mars in Cancer & Jupiter in Taurus.

I have been studying REAL astrology since 2012, I got deep into the astrology trying to save a dead relationship; but I now use it looking for astrological compatibility and to help others in their relationships both personal and business.

I am also sort of Psychic, though I never took it seriously to 2012. I have also studied Reiki and Numerology. I grew up Orthodox Christian, I call myself a Spiritualist. I still believe in Christianity; just not the way I was raised to believe.

I am a Leo/ Virgo Cusp, Libra Rising. We have over 40 signs in our astrology; my main influences in my chart besides the above is Aquarius, real astrology is more complicated them most people realize. I study eastern astrology for health, psychology and compatibility.

I am also into Yoga, working out, aromatherapy, alternative health, alternative energy, technology, Nature & Natural living. I am also a Freedom Fighter and an Independent, much like Ron Paul.

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A little about me… xXx

Updated: Oct. 2014

“Relationships are like a dance, with visible energy racing back and forth between the partners. Some relationships are the slow, dark dance of death.”
― Colette Dowling

I’ve had way too many Dark Dances of Death. I am tired of being lied to, cheated on, manipulated, belittled, walked on, spit on, used and abused! I own a xXxNetworking site, so maybe I should just become a porn star myself and not have to deal with having my heart broken anymore? I’m a healthy, attractive, fit 40yr old. Shoot; when I’m clean shaven, I still get carded 🙂 I have the right equipment (aka package) [S M {{L}} XL XXL], not too big and not too small, I’d been offered to do porn when I was younger; maybe now is a good time to start? Now I think I should have done it when I had the chance, but maybe this is my second chance?

If you interested in joining me in this new adventure, hit me up! You know the normal criteria, if u think u qualify, let’s talk! PS… Must be a Woman! Not into guys. Now this is new for me, so I will be kind of shy or nervous about it for a while, but “relationships” aren’t working for me, so I may as well try something new and enjoy my life while I still can; right? I will require STD tests for everyone and I will be getting them myself regularly! 3-6mo seems to be normal.
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A little about me… xyz

Updated: Nov. 2014

“Relationships are like a dance, with visible energy racing back and forth between the partners. Some relationships are the slow, dark dance of death.”
― Colette Dowling

The beauty in the dance is flowing seamlessly with your partner. I have learned that dancing too long with the wrong partner can bring much frustration, discomfort and even pain, depending on the depth of the struggle. We are all free and responsible for choosing the partner whose energy and style flow with us best.

I’ve had way too many Dark Dances of Death. I am tired of being lied to, cheated on, manipulated, belittled, walked on, spit on, used and abused! That is why I am doing astrology now and not jumping into the first relationship that comes my way anymore.
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About the one I’m looking for…
Updated: Oct. 2014
I am not looking to get serious anymore; friends, FWB or just dating for now. I started learning Astrology in 2012 & looking back, some of the best relationships I had were with women who were more astrologically compatible to me; so if I were to get “involved” again, that is where I am focusing my attention now days. “Astrology” and actually, even friends should be compatible astrologically also! The age range I am looking at is: Jan. 1970 to Dec. 1983 that is compatible to my Neptune & Pluto.

If I find someone who is truly astrologically compatible in the traditional “Eastern Vedic Astrology” compatibility criteria; I would consider getting more involved once again; but this time I will be way pickier! So if your compatible to Sun in Leo/Virgo cusp with an Aquarius House, Libra rising, Moon in Libra with Pisces House, Mercury in Virgo with Aquarius House, Venus in Leo with Capricorn House, Mars in Virgo with Aquarius House, born in the Year of Aquarius (aka Tiger), Jupiter in Pisces in the House of Leo, Saturn in Cancer with a Sagittarius House, Uranus in Libra with an Aries House, Neptune in Sagittarius in the House of Taurus and Pluto in Libra in the house of Pisces; then we can discuss something more serious. Otherwise, I am done with traditional relationships.

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How I feel about the Church…
Updated: Oct. 2014

Church is a good thing; only I don’t believe in one true church, or even one true profit except for Jesus. I grew up Nazarene, Wesleyan and Holiness; I studied Catholicism, Hindu, Buddhism, Judaism, Islam, Spiritualism, LDS, RLDS, FLDS, Unity and more. I use to call myself a Christian Catholic Buddhist, now I would say I am more Christian Spiritualist. In the LDS world, I would lean towards RLDS or FLDS rather than LDS and I do understand the differences. I like Buddhism because they tend to practice what Jesus preached, I just think they have the wrong god. I would say I am more in line with the natives in that I would be more inclined to believe in “The Great Spirit” and other ways they believe like loving the land and Jesus’s #2 commandment’s; Love God and Love thy neighbor.

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What I do for fun… My Hobbies and Interests…
Updated: Oct. 2014

I am into Yoga, working out, aromatherapy, alternative health, alternative energy, technology, Nature & Natural living. I am also a Freedom Fighter and an Independent, just like Ron Paul.

I like hiking, mountains, nature, technology, being creative, singing (changing the lyrics making songs funny and/or retarded), playing brain games & etc…. I enjoy outdoor activities; swimming, boating and canoeing, travel to the beach, working out, the gym, traveling, shopping, cooking, camping and BBQs with friends and/or family, trying new restaurants, “Chocolate” anything Chocolate  Don’t enjoy anchovies or Sardines!

I like socializing with friends and family, I love music of all cultures except polka type music. I do need my alone time, where I work on me and the voices in my head. I use to write poetry and music, but not so much anymore; I would make a good jungle writer. Honestly, I could have fun doing most anything. Twice true with that special someone and/or friends! I am a social person, I can only play games that involve 2-4 players and more.
Life can be fun. A quote I like was, ”When my children tell me they’re bored, I tell them that this is because they are boring and need to work on their rich inner life. Even accounting can be fun if you have the right jokes running through your head.”

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I’d just like to add…

My “BEST” matches are: Aries – March(25,26)1973, April(3,4)1977, April(9,10,11)1971, April(11,12,13)1977, April(13,14)1976. Libra; Oct(1,2,3)1983, Oct(3,4)1980, Oct(19,20)1973. Sagittarius, Nov(24,25)1979 & 12.21.69 Aquarius, Feb(3,4,7,8)1977. Leo, Gemini, Cancer or Virgo. I am still working on his; but basically Taurus, Capricorn, Scorpio, Cancer, Pisces, Virgo, Libra and Leo. These are not the only birthdays I am looking for, simply the best I have found so far astrologically; 4.14.84, 8.14.82, 8.22.82, 10.7.87, 11.24.1975 & 11.29.74 are good one also. I am also astrologically compatible to Taylor Swift, but that is way too young, her outer planets would be off and therefore maybe not compatible enough — Aries and Sag are my best, but I have a Moon in Libra, so a Libra with a Moon in Leo is a very powerful combination!

I am a Leo/Virgo Cusp – Compatibility’s are Aries, Sag, Libra, Gemini, Aquarius; maybe Virgo, Cancer, Leo, Taurus and Capricorn.

Libra Rising, Moon in Libra – Compatibility’s are Aquarius, Libra; maybe Gemini, Virgo, Scorpio, Leo or Sag.

Mercury in Virgo – Compatibility’s are Taurus, Capricorn, Virgo; maybe Cancer, Pisces, Scorpio, Leo or Libra.

I am Venus in Leo – Compatibility’s are Aries, Sag, Libra, Aquarius; maybe Gemini, Leo, Cancer or Virgo.

I am Mars in Virgo – Compatibility’s are Taurus, Capricorn, Cancer, Virgo; maybe Scorpio, Pisces, Leo but more than likely not Libra.

I am Jupiter in Pisces – Compatibility’s are Scorpio, Cancer, Taurus, Capricorn, Virgo; maybe Aquarius but maybe not Aries.

I was born in the year of the Tiger (aka Aquarius) – Compatibility’s are Libra, Gemini; maybe Aries, Leo, Sag, Pisces or Capricorn.

My two best relationships were; Dec. 17th, 1975 (Leo Asc.) and May 14, 1977 (Gemini Asc.) if this helps. You can go to DatingByTheSigns to learn more.

Pluto 10-5-1971 to 10-23-1983

Relationships are like a dance

 

Relationships are like a dance, with visible energy racing back and forth between the partners – Some relationships are the slow, dark dance of death – The beauty in the dance is flowing seamlessly with your partner. I have learned that dancing too long with the wrong partner can bring much frustration, discomfort and even pain, depending on the depth of the struggle. We are all free and responsible for choosing the partner whose energy and style flow with us best. www.DatingByTheSigns.com

11 Secrets to Ending Fights in Your Relationships

o-COUPLE-FIGHTING-facebook

Whether you like someone or not there are going to be times when you have disagreements with your friends, family, partners, spouse, co-workers, or neighbors. Here are some powerful tricks to make sure your relationships are healthy and balanced!

1. Bring Up Problems ASAP

woman-yawning-looking-clockMany people will try to walk on eggshells or avoid bringing up how they feel but this will actually cause a lot of extra stress and issues in your relationship.

When you don’t tell someone how their behavior made you feel it is actually a form of manipulation.  It is holding on to the power or energy instead of passing it back so that they can learn and grow.  If people don’t know how they are affecting you then they cannot fix it.

If you don’t catch it in the moment or it is not an appropriate time make sure you bring it up with them as soon as you can.  The quicker you address issues and resolve them the better everyone will feel.

ar134532768120402Have a hard time catching problems in real time?  One trick is to trust your gut.  If someone says something that creates a strange feeling in your stomach that is a sign that something happened that affected you.

When I get that feeling I will make a point to stop the conversation and if they are a close friend or loved one they will typically help me figure it out.

Example- In a calm balanced tone I will say: “Just a min please, when you said that I felt funny.  I am not sure why but I would like to figure it out before we move on so I can understand what you mean.”

Remember that what you say and what people hear is always going to be different.  This is because our mood, focus and perceptions are always filtering information.  Tone and energy can also be a huge factor in how information is transferred between people.

When issues are brought up stay calm and try to see what really happened instead of getting defensive.  I will go more into this later.

2. Be the Real You

1rIt is very common to act different with friends and loved ones than you do alone or in public.  Part of feeling whole and being true to ourselves it to try and make these versions us as consistent as possible.

Be the real you, do what you feel compelled to do.  Say what you are really feeling.  If you aren’t interested in what someone is saying either find a way to truly get interested or find a topic you are both interested it.

Pretending to listen and be interested isn’t being true to yourself and is harmful to the people around you.  Be honest, polite and genuine in your interactions.

3. Treat People the Way THEY want to be Treated

choco_vanilla_swirl_answer_7_xlargeThats right, because we are all different we cannot treat people the way we want to be treated.  We have to learn more about the people around us and treat them the way they want to be treated.

We can’t feed a room of people our favorite flavor of ice cream and expect them to be as happy and excited about it as we are.  We need to reach out and make sure the people around us know that we know them.  We prove that to them by really getting to know them!

There is a very powerful article written by a hero of mine that goes into this topic more.  Check it out here!

4. Look into their Eyes and Recognise that you are One

In the end we are all human, we all have flaws and we all have fear.  As long as all parties are still coming to the table we need to keep doing our best to work out our differences.

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I remember once getting into a fight with my husband.  I was so mad at him I wasn’t sure if I was ever going to be ok with him again.  What flipped it around for me was when I looked deep into his eyes and saw that the reason why he had lied was because he was afraid of being alone.

I felt that same fear deep inside myself and realized that I did things that were sometimes crazy to avoid ending up alone too.  Though our crimes looked different we had the same core fear about loneliness.  How could I be mad at him without also being mad at myself.

Like they say “The things you hate most in the people around you are things you cannot stand about yourself.”  Even if the behavior is different on the outside often the mirror of life is showing us problems we have inside ourselves.

Sometimes we cannot do anything to change the past and the only thing we can do is earnestly move forward to make a better tomorrow.

That helped me forgive my husband and also work hard to make sure I treated him with love and respect.  In the end I saw myself in his eyes and I knew that what I needed for growth in my life was understand and love.  So I gave that to him freely and we both healed.

5. Listen

Woman leaning her face on her hand and listening to her co-workerWhen people are speaking to us we need to listen.  We need to really hear what they are saying and try to see through their eyes about the situation.  We need to learn to put ourself on pause in order to really do this well.

Focus on the moment and take in as much data as you can.  If you have feelings of fear try to take a deep breath and feel what the other person is feeling.  Fear will cloud your ability to see what is really going on.

Listen and ask questions until you feel that you can see what the other person means.

When you are the one expressing yourself make sure when you are done that you “pass the energy back” by asking them to express what they are feeling about the topic.  Creating a healthy flow is key to a good healthy relationship.  Check out this video on the Grand MisConception to learn more about the flow of energy in a relationship!

6. Observe how the Person is Feeling rather than Always Asking

IMG_1062Sometimes it is fine to ask someone how they are feeling but sometimes people get scared and won’t say everything that is going on.  They don’t always do it on purpose.  Sometimes people get upset and they don’t remember what caused it.

That is why sometimes we need to be a bit of a detective to help them out.  Often the answers are all around us and we just need to use our senses to observe the environment to learn more.

Look around- Is the area messy?  Are there bad smells?  Did you forget to put away the laundry?  Clean up all of your vibrations and make sure that you pay attention to what could be straining the physical space.

Think back- Was there something said recently that would cause a misunderstanding?  Are there any important dates or big events that have happened or are coming soon?  Are you aware of any strained relationships or emotional patterns that could be causing problems?

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If you see someone struggling to do something, it is often better to jump in and help rather than ask the person if they need help.  Such as opening a door or carrying in groceries.

Don’t Ignore people when they appear to need your help.  Sometimes we pretend to not notice because we aren’t feeling good, we are being lazy or are just plain busy.  Those are the times that we need to go out of our way to help the people around us.

If we don’t know what we should do we should ask them:

“Hey, I see that you are upset, I want to help but I am not sure exactly how.  I have thought of X, Y and Z but I wanted to check with you first to see if there is anything else that would really make a big difference.”

One of the most powerful things to recognise about the example above is that you took the time to recognise that the other person is hurting AND have already come up with a few ideas to help them out.  If they are hurting or upset don’t make them do all the work in coming up with a way to make it better.

The last biggest part of listening that is important is allowing people to fully feel the emotions they are feeling.  Especially in times of loss and grieving we have to resist the urge to change the subject, avoid talking about hard topics, or diffuse the situation.  It is ok to talk about the real issues.  It is healthy to explore fears about death and other culturally taboo topics.

7. Find out their Favorite Food/Treat

photo_couple_surprise_present_smileWhen vibrations are low and people aren’t happy sometimes a special treat or act of service is exactly what they need to reverse the downward spiral.  Pay attention to what people like to eat, drink or receive so that you can cheer them up.

This will show the person that you not only cared enough to know what they like but you noticed that they are feeling a little down.  You showed them that you care.

If you want to know more about this check out the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman to find out more about yourself and those you are close to.

8. Be Patient

marijuana-company-4Recognize that we are all human.  We all make mistakes.  If we want people to be patient with us when we mess up we must do the same for them.  No matter how smart or spiritual you are we all have bad days and make mistakes.  There is nothing wrong with this.

Part of being a loving being of light is allowing others to make mistakes and working with them on their personal growth.  Many of us are reprograming our minds to react in the best way possible in all situations.  There will be times when we are scared, tired or angry and we will make mistakes.

9. Breathe

imagesWhen things get hard take a few deep breaths and see try to see the situation from the other person’s eyes.  Hearing that we messed up is almost always an uncomfortable feeling.  Often we immediately either deny that we did anything wrong or have a list of excuses as to why we acted that way.

We need to grow into responsible souls that take ownership of our own creations.  What that means is that if someone is offended or confused because of something we did then we need to take the appropriate steps to clarify, apologize and then fix the situation.

If we are unable to fix it then we need to be extra cautious in the future to avoid making the same mess.  That is how we will avoid loops of repeated problems in our relationships.

It is also our responsibility to create a safe space where people feel comfortable coming to us and expressing how they feel.

If people are taking the time and being brave enough to tell you what you did to hurt them then this is a message from the universe to look at ourselves and grow.  Thank the person for being brave enough to tell you how they felt about what you did.

10. Admit When you are Wrong

o-TWO-PEOPLE-TALKING-facebookThis takes a lot of guts but is also one of the biggest signs of a mature soul.  Tell people when you recognise that you created a situation or said something that caused them harm.

“I see that when I said that, it could have caused pain in you.  I am very sorry for doing that.  I am working on how I word things and making sure that I am respectful of you and your feelings.”  

You may also ask them for ideas that you can use in the future to handle that situation with them better.  People typically want to help you be nicer to them and will gladly give you ideas to improve how you interact with them.

11. Gratitude

Kids_hugging_BRAND_PHO_ENFrequently tell the other person when you recognise them doing things for you or sacrificing for you.

“Hey, I saw that you missed your favorite TV show to make sure I came home to a clean house.  I really appreciate that.” 

“Thank you for telling me that, I know it can be scary to talk about feelings but I want you to know that I recognise the courage you just displayed.” 

“Thank you for listening to me while I figure this out.  What are your thoughts?”

“Thank you for suggesting we go to my favorite restaurant.  I really appreciate you caring about me and taking interest in what I like to eat. “

A little gratitude will go a long way with the people around you and encourage them to interact in a more healthy way with you aswell.  Leading by example is the best way to show others how you wish to be treated.

 

YOGA-SUTRA-314In life we all have things we can learn and become better at.  It takes practice and understanding.  Talk to the people you are close with and let them know that you are working on creating healthier relationships in your life.  Ask them to give you feedback and be patient as you learn to express how you really feel.

Thank you for reading and let us know what tricks you have used to create successful relationships in your life!

With all of my Love,

Kirsten

Spirit Team

Special thanks to Ray & Jordan for teaching me many if not all of these important relationship secrets!

Check out this Youtube video where I explain more about this post and how to have healthy connections!

Racism

 

Now I am not racist, but things like this make people like me think about the subject more…

I was at Burger King today in Gary, In. down the street from the Loves and Petro truck stops. I went in to order the 10 piece chicken nuggets, the 2 for 5 special and had coupons for free fries and onion rings. So I made my order, not thinking that I was the only whit person there besides the one I went in there with. After my nuggets came back, I asked for some BBQ sauce to go with my nuggets, they said they didn’t have any and blew me off. So after I took my tray to the table, I went back and asked for some ranch instead, they said they didn’t have that either. So I asked what they did have? They offered me some Zesty sauce and/or Buffalo sauce. I don’t normally like Buffalo, but I said I would try one of each.

After that there was a rush of people come in while we were eating. After we got done eating, I went back up to the counter with the two free ice cream cone coupons we had. Now these coupon came in a book that I bought from another Burger King like last week or so.

Anyway; while I was waiting for our ice creams, another guy was waiting before me for his meal. His order came up with something or other and also some chicken nugget with BBQ sauce, then the guy asked for some Ranch, the guy behind the counter looked for the Ranch sauce but didn’t see any, so he went to the back and got some; but 5 minutes or so ago the same guy told me there was none. The customer that he went to go find some for was also black.

I never said anything, and I don’t think the guy behind the counter realized that I was observing all this. I thought about saying something to Burger King Corp, but not sure if I will or not. You know if it was the other way around, shit would have hit the fan! Why is it that the ones who cry racism the most seem to be the racists?

Anyway; it turned out I had some BBQ in the truck from McDonald’s and I had already went out to get it, so it wasn’t a big deal to me. Though I somehow feel like it should be a big deal to me???

On a good note, if I hadn’t got the Buffalo and Zesty sauce, then went out to my truck to get the BBQ I saved from McDs; I then wouldn’t have mixed them all together and discovered a new flavor sauce that I actually kind of like better then the BBQ and/or Ranch 🙂 So one can turn a negative into a positive and their racism only lead to my new discovery and maybe a new not-so-secret recipe 🙂 I don’t know if it was contentious or uncontentious, but it was unprofessional either way. I am sure Burger King would NOT be too happy about their actions. Most things don’t bother me, but this one kind of did.

Hello, My name is CainO’ & I am a Recovering Co-Dependent.

 

(Group Text) I wouldn’t B writing this unless she told me to. I was going to keep 2myself about all this; but she said 2ask any woman & swore they would agree with her. So, I’ll ask everyone then… Q? Does this sound like I want 2break up & just B friends w/ benefits or does this sound like I’m @ my wits end & I want 2fix the relationship or move on? I was trying 2convey the second, but I was accused of the first.I just want her 2stop being so mean & hateful towards me, is that too much 2ask?

CainO’ Sept. 27th. After yet another big fight:

This doesn’t seem 2B working out. We seem 2B going down hill instead of things getting better they seem 2B getting harder. If we can’t work things out like I’m sure we both want to, then we need 2look n2 trying 2salvage the friendship; because the last thing I want is for us 2B@ each others throats. I love U & care 4U, but this is getting out of control. I don’t know how or even if we can make this work, but it is what I want. Friend and/or Loved ones, those R the two I choose; which ever one will work… xoxooxox ….

 

Maybe I should have said “loved ones &or friends” instead of the other way around? We broke up the next day after another fight. I basically said, let’s try & resolve this or try & be friends. She chose friends, but she’s been badgering me nearly the whole time since. Which now makes me feel relieved that its over; anyway… we’ve been fighting off & on since Christmas, this is NOT my idea of a healthy relationship! If she can’t B nice 2me, I don’t even wish 2B friends anymore. I have already assumed responsibility… I compromised, I knew our Astrology was a bit off & B4 we got together while she was drunk one day, she warned me that she wasn’t a very nice person, there were a couple other red flags; but I proceeded anyway. I still care 4her, I just can’t take the abuse any-longer. I choose 2live, “Co-Dependent No More“; but that’s easier said then done… UR wisdom is welcomed! Thanx, CainO’
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Today: Oct. 4th, 2014 – She asked me how I was to seem to get over the breakup so easily? I haven’t. One day someone told me that, “women morn during the relationship and men morn after the relationship”. I guess that makes me a woman? I have been doing my morning since Christmas 2013, so now it is her turn I guess.

She thinks that I am repulsed by her sexually, but it is hard for me to feel close to someone sexually that I feel is attacking me on a regular basis. Maybe if she tries to get along and not fight with me so much, I might want to have sex with her more. I am a VERY sexual person; with my Ex2012, I could never get enough! It wasn’t till after almost se7en years at the end of the relationship that she lost her sex drive “for me” because we were not getting along anymore, then I lost mine after I caught her going behind my back  with two other men; though I only knew of one for sure. Now she is with the other one and is supposedly engaged to him, but that wont last; I know their astrology. Plus, leopards don’t change their spots. I know his criminal background and she cheated on her Ex husband before me with like over a dozen men, so past predicts future…

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Today Oct. 8th, 2014 she decided she wanted to try and make it work. We broke up in Jan. for like three days, this is the second time we broke up and am getting back together. The next day we went on a date to the “Crater of Diamonds” in Arkansas and dug for diamonds all day 🙂 This time will be either “strike three your out” or the “third times the charm”. As long as she is nice to me, not mean and hateful; we can work through most anything…

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A couple days later, we broke again. This time for good! What makes me Co-Dependent astrologically? I think my Libra’s have a lot to do with that. I will have to look into it. My Pluto is Libra, Uranus is Libra, my Moon is Libra and my Ascendent is Libra. Libra’s are Nice, gullible, naive, looking towards the positives and ignoring the negatives; till it is too late. People often take Libra’s kindness as a weakness; Libra will give and give till they break, once you break a Libra there is no going back.

caino

You might say my parents trained me to become a Co-Dependent, My father was an Alcoholic and my mother is still Co-Dependent. I was left to take care of my brother who grew up to be abusive, alcoholic and an addict. I finally started to break my codependency with my brother, but I think my mother helped me to start that possess too. I have a lot of Virgo in my chart and so I study things a lot. I studied my mother, I studied psychology, I studied myself and others. In 1995 I was in an emotionally abusive relationship and my mother was in a more abusive one with my now Ex-Step Dad. One day I was trying to rescue my mother when she told me something to the extent of, “You have no room to talk, you are still with Jennifer”. I will never forget that message! That was the day I decided to be “Co-Dependent No More”. I left her and started working on me; I am still working on me.

My mother and my brother was my biggest lessons and challenges. I had to “Let Go & Let GOD”. They were not and could not be my problem anymore; once everyone finally did that with my brother, he finally straightened up and is now living a healthier life. My mother is getting there too as am I. I think me learning how to move forward being less co-dependent, it has helped her do the same. Right now, she is doing good and I pray she stays that way. I am still working on being co-dependent free; a few years ago my mother gave me copies of a program called, “Co-Dependent No More” and I learn from it regularly. I would encourage anyone to get it!

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